I don't know what to do! ...or do I?
That happened to me before and I though I got out of it but apparently not so much. Am I falling to the same well I somehow got out of before?
It was one of the school summers where I would be left alone with my sister during the days. I was a child – maybe transitioning to a teenager. She was in high school. I was bored. We would be home alone everyday without any action happening. Well, at least for me. My whole world consisted of school and my mother, and the summers were for my grandmother deluxe hotel vacations. But the older you get, the further you grow from your grandmother somehow. Or maybe it was just me. I would run around our house and say that I was bored and had nothing to do. Then my sister would say to me with judgemental tone that there is so much in life to do, how can you be bored; pick what you like or want, and do it. I couldn't understand her at the time, but years later, when I got to high school somehow I started wearing that “how can you be bored, there is so much you can do in life” of hers and I was comfortable.
It was a part of me for a long time. By long, I mean the teenage years at school. Then the great depression of adult/college life hit me like a truck in those korean dramas at their last episodes. And suddenly, there was nothing to do for me. Or maybe the sentence was not complete yet: there was nothing to do for me that I liked/loved. So, the real issue here is not what I could do but rather what I would like to do.
Can we go with our lives doing only what we want to do? Of course, only if you are lucky enough to know exactly (or vaguely) what it is. And can it be something small in the beginning or something big at the end? Let's take the career thing: If I don't like studying economics but I would love to be a personal invester/somethingelseIwouldalsoloveatthetime in the future. Should I force myself through life I hate into the possible future life I would love?
Now, thinking about it, I think that I should find a balance. After all, balance is the key to living a happy (or relatively happy) life in my opinion. Maybe enjoying other things is possible while you are still struggling with other. Or does those strugglings make the other parts of life more fun? Does it enhance the experience of life? Is that why we all create some external or internal challenges in our lives when there is nothing coming at us? Maybe living in a care-free world isn't pleasureful as it sounds. And some obsticles create that interesting pattern in the fabric of our lives.
Huh, is it too obvious that I'm binging SATC?